Between the Shadows
by Abilene Keegan
Summary: When tragedy strikes Abby, Luka must help her through it. Trouble is he's having a difficult time getting through it himself.
1. Darkness Descending

VOID

**WARNING:******This series contains extreme anguish. The subject of which I was a little nervous about giving away but you'll most likely figure it out immediately anyhow. If you are offended by acts of sexual violence then this is not a story you will want to read. Keeping in mind however that there is no actual description of such an act being committed, only mention of it. In the unlikely event that changes in later chapters then I will give you warning.Please do not flame me if you don't like the subject matter of this story. You've been warned.

**STORY NOTE: **This series takes place in the year 2004. Abby and Luka are married.Abby is still a nurse in the ER.

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**B e t w e e nT h eS h a d o w s**

**B yA b i l e n eK e e g a n**

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**Chapter One******

**Darkness Descending**

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THE DARKNESS was everywhere now. An unfathomable emptiness. A void. Something nobody could live with, but had no choice to live without. He could remember such darkness from a time before. From a life before. A life that had been filled with the happiness of three people he loved. Yet filled with the sadness of a war he would never forget. A war that would take away his happiness, leaving him to fend for himself in a world where misery was his only companion. His only friend.

That life had left him a long time ago. And somehow he'd caught up with an old friend. Happiness. He'd thought back then that he would never know true happiness again. For the past four years he'd thought that he would never know misery again. He'd been wrong both times.

Nobody had seen it coming. Nobody could have guessed that it'd be her. A call had come in over the radio. A woman had been attacked just down the road from the hospital. The ambulance was bringing her in. They'd be there shortly. How could they have known? How could he have known? It had been only an hour ago that his wife had departed the hospital and headed home. Telling him she wasn't feeling good and was going to leave early. It was late but he'd let her go. Alone. She said she'd take the El home. She said she'd be okay. He should never have let her go.

When the ambulance pulled up Luka had been there to greet them, a nurse by his side. Kerry had been outside as well getting some fresh air. Looking back at it Luka knew how lucky it was that she had been there. They'd rushed over to the ambulance just as the doors were swinging open. Two paramedics stepped out dragging a gurney with them. They were saying something, Luka was sure it had to do with the status of the patient. But he wasn't hearing them. Because she wasn't a patient. She was his wife.

"Abby." He wasn't sure who'd made the confirmation out loud. Him or the nurse. All he knew was at that same moment his world came crashing down around him. He heard the paramedics yelling something. Something about a BP? He wasn't sure. Their voices were there but their words had no meaning.

"Luka!" His name came through loud and clear. He looked over at the nurse. What was her name? He couldn't remember it and oddly enough that seemed to irritate him. He was in a state of shock. She was saying something else but he didn't know what. He just stared at her blankly. She turned away from him and he heard her calling for Dr. Weaver. Next thing he knew Kerry was standing beside them pushing Luka out of the way. He stumbled backwards watching as they took his wife into the hospital... and away from him.

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_May 06, 2004_

_1:00 am_

Luka sat in the lounge waiting for his heart to stop beating. He was sure it would. They'd insisted he stay away from the trauma room Abby had been brought into. He knew something was terribly wrong. He knew she was terribly hurt. That she was dying. It wasn't just the fact that they had gone so far as to sit a security guard outside her door to keep him away, as it was a deep feeling he had. The feeling of a husband that knew, through an intense bond he shared with his wife, that she was going to die. Or that she was dead.

Luka jumped up from his seat when he heard the door open. Kerry walked in holding a chart in her hands. Luka gave her no time to speak. He spoke first. He had to know. Was Abby still alive?

"How is she?" He rushed strait to the question. Kerry looked at him sadly and he felt his heart drop. God. No. He couldn't lose her. He couldn't lose another wife. Why had he let her go? Why hadn't he insisted on taking her home?

"She's alive." Luka's heart rose but only slightly.

"What happened?" His burning question finally came out. Who had done this to his wife? Who'd hurt her? Why would somebody have even wanted to hurt her? Abby had never been anything but kind to others. Why would somebody attack her?

"I don't have time to explain everything right now Luka. We do have to discuss something though." Luka looked at her intently, telling her to go on. "Luka I don't know if you're aware or not but Abby is pregnant." He looked at her dumbfounded, he had had no idea. He stepped back and sank down on the couch behind him. Kerry sat next to him and continued explaining things gently.

"We don't know how far along she is. Probably not very far. Whoever attacked her stabbed her in the abdomen." Luka shut his eyes tightly against her words. He didn't want to hear them. Didn't want to believe them. "He missed the fetus but unfortunately Abby has internal bleeding and we need to operate." Luka opened his eyes and looked over at her. He knew what was coming next.

"But you'll have to take the baby in order to do that." Kerry nodded her head confirming his assumption was correct.

"The fetus would never survive the operation. The knife missed it but not by much. We want to perform a normal abortion before we send her up for surgery." Luka felt a few tears fall from his eyes. He couldn't believe this was happening.

"So what's there do discuss?" He looked at her numbly. It wasn't everyday you knew your child was about to be taken out of the world before it was even truly in the world. Kerry seemed very hesitant to answer him. She sighed deeply before finally responding.

"There is a slight chance, a very slight chance, that they both can survive the operation. But Luka," She looked him in the eyes shaking her head. "The chance is so small."

"But if there's a chance..." Luka's words trailed off. He suddenly got a very bad feeling about this.

"By taking that chance and allowing the surgery while Abby is still pregnant, you could be further endangering her life." His bad feeling hadn't come without its reasons. He looked away from Kerry and down at his hands. A silent tear falling down his cheek. How was he supposed to make this decision? Was there even a decision to make? "We don't have much time."

Luka stood up and walked over to the window. He realized quickly that there was nothing to see. Only darkness. A perfect likeness to his soul. He closed his eyes. More darkness. Suddenly an image of his wife flashed through his memory. Not Abby but another wife. One from another life. A time long ago. He saw her lying on the floor of what was left of their apartment. She was bleeding. She was dying. Should he leave her there and continue trying to save his daughter? Or should he pick her up and save her? Luka shook his head, the memory vanishing.

"Take the baby." He turned back to Kerry his face filled with anguish. "Just don't let my wife die." Kerry nodded her head and stood up. Walking over to Luka she handed him the chart.

"You have to sign this." Luka signed with only slight hesitation. He was signing away the life of his child. Allowing them to kill it. But he had to save his wife.

"How is she? Can I see her?" Kerry's look answered his question.

"I'm sorry Luka. Things are still touch and go. We really have to hurry with her." His expression must have changed her mind. She sighed. "I'll get you before they take her up to surgery." Luka nodded in agreement and turned back to the window. To the darkness.

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_1:23 am_

Luka was standing in the hallway just outside the trauma room when Abby's gurney was wheeled out. He didn't miss the security guard eyeing him as he rushed over to her side. She had slight bruising on her face but not as bad as he'd expected. She almost looked like she was just sleeping. He wished that were true. The IV bags and portable monitors attached to her confirmed otherwise. He saw that her arms had bruising on them as well. He was certain some of those bruises had the outline of a person's hand. Like she'd been held down. He tried to ignore what the reason for that might be. He looked back up at her sweet face.

"Abby?" He whispered her name. Her eyes remained closed and he looked up at Kerry. "Has she regained consciousness?" Kerry shook her head and his heart nearly stopped at the realization of what that could mean.

"She had some head trauma. CT shows negative though. No bleeding or even apparent bruising. I think she'll be okay but we need to get her up to surgery now." Luka didn't want to leave her side but he knew he had no choice. He leaned down and kissed her on the lips lightly then whispered three meaningful words to her.

"I love you." A part of him knew she would hear him. That no matter what happened she'd always have those words. Reluctantly, and with the assistance of Kerry pulling at him, Luka stepped away from the gurney and watched as they rushed his wife down the hallway. The thought that Luka may never see her again weighed heavily on his mind. All it would take was one slight mess up. A surgeon who had been working far too long. God knows he had heard of it happening many times before in this very hospital. It could also come in the form of bleeding that just wouldn't stop. An injury more serious then they'd thought. Luka found himself still staring down the hallway minutes after they'd left his sight. She had to be okay. He needed her.

"Excuse me?" He looked over vaguely at the two men walking up to him. That's also when he noticed that Kerry was still standing there. "I'm detective Randy Thompson, this is my partner George Hays. Was that the woman that was just attacked?" This was the last thing Luka wanted to deal with now. He just wanted to go upstairs to the OR and wait on word about Abby's surgery.

"Yes," Kerry spoke up. "If you'll just give us a minute I need to speak with Dr. Kovac, her husband, and then you can ask your questions." The detectives looked at each other then nodded their heads.

"Yeah, sure, fine with us." Kerry placed her hand on Luka's arm lightly and led him back towards the lounge.

"How did the..." He couldn't bring himself to say it. They'd just taken his baby out of its mother's womb. It was dead with no chance of ever having a life. He and Abby would never get to meet their first child.

"It went fine Luka. Everything went normally." There was nothing normal about it. Nothing normal about a woman having an abortion forced on her without any prior knowledge of it. Nothing normal about a man having to make a decision between his wife and the child she was carrying, knowing that one of the decisions could leave him without either. This wasn't normal. This was just cruel. They approached the lounge and Kerry began walking in. Luka stopped.

"Look Kerry I just want to go upstairs and wait for them to finish. I'd like to be there when she comes out." Luka seemed to notice for the first time the true sorrow that was the mask on Kerry's face. "What is it? She is okay, right?"

"We need to talk Luka. Unless you want to hear the full extent of you're wife's injuries from those detectives waiting to speak with us." Luka nodded and followed her into the lounge. He didn't like this. He knew he didn't really want to hear what was about to be told to him. The thought was already at the back of his head but he had forced it to stay there. Not letting it surface, not for a second. He didn't want to face the true reality of what had most likely happened to Abby.

"Have a seat." Luka agreed and sat down on the couch. Kerry sat down beside him. She didn't seem to know what to say. Or how to say it. Luka just wanted this all over with.He didn't want to hear his suspicions confirmed but he knew it had to come out eventually.Besides they'd just taken his wife up to surgery after having aborted her pregnancy, of which he hadn't even known about. Why not throw in a little more and make things worse? Make his world all the darker. God, why had he let her go?

"For the most part the extent of Abby's physical injuries was the head trauma and the stab wound. But this being the case of her having been attacked we had to check for something else. This hasn't been confirmed yet but from the damage I observed I'd say its safe to believe that she..." Her words trailed for a moment and Luka shut his eyes tightly trying to stop the tears from flowing. He knew what was coming next. "Luka she was raped. There's very little doubt about that."

He had known his heart would stop beating. What he hadn't expected was for it to shatter into a million pieces. He hadn't expected for his soul to grow cold. He wanted to leave. He wanted to hunt down the bastard who'd done this and kill him. He knew he could. He was more then capable, he'd proven that once before. He'd smashed a man's brains in while protecting Abby from an assailant that had barley touched her. He wondered what he'd do to an assailant that had violated her in the worst of all possible ways.

"We'll perform the rape kit after her surgery." Her voice was gentle but it gave no comfort. Luka had cold revenge running around in his head. "Luka, we're going to need to know the last time you and Abby..." She trailed off. Luka knew the question.

"This morning." He whispered the answer and Kerry nodded. His heart suddenly grew a little lighter, the coldness abating just slightly. He remembered this morning. It seemed so far away, yet so close. She'd been safe. In his arms as he made love to her gently, passionately. Not at all like the man that had raped her. He had taken her out of mere lust. But she hadn't been his to take.

"Dr. Weaver," Luka didn't bother to look up as he heard the door open. It was Randi, he knew her voice well enough. "Those detectives are looking for you and Dr. Kovac. I think they're getting a little antsy."

"Okay, thanks Randi." He heard the door shut and then felt Kerry lay her hand gently on his shoulder. "I'll try and distract them as long as I can. Why don't you go up and see what you can find out about the surgery? I'm sure they've started by now." Luka nodded his head but made no attempt to move. "She'll be okay Luka. She'll get through this. You both will." With that Kerry stood up and left.

Luka faced his head towards the window. Staring out at the darkness. He felt as it slowly crept into his soul, making him a part of it. He could feel himself growing completely numb. Just as he'd grown numb all those years earlier when his family had died. But this time he'd have to do something about it. Because Abby was still alive. And she needed him. He had to feel so that he could help her through this. Kerry was right, they'd get through it. They'd do it together. Somehow. But for now Luka let the darkness descend over his entire being. It was his only comfort. His only escape.

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**THE END** of Chapter 1

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**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **Originally I had hoped to post at least one chapter for this story every week, since I already have the first chapters written.I am going to try and stick to that but am not sure how likely it is.It might end up being every two weeks.I had hoped to have more chapters done before posting but I've had this story sitting around now for so long that I just finally had to submit it!Anyhow, as long as you continue to review I will continue to write.

**END NOTE:** Okay, all the medical stuff in this story was totally written by whim. It sounded good and was necessary for the story to unfold as I wanted it to unfold. I am not a doctor and claim no knowledge of medicine whatsoever. Whether or not any of this could actually occur in real life is a mystery to me. But like I said it sounded good. :) Please do not flame me for medical and procedure inaccuracies. Whether they are in this chapter or future chapters.

**ACKNOWLEDGMENTS: **Thanks! to track three on the album "The Visit" by Loreena McKennitt for the title of this story.I tried forever to come up with a suitable title till one day I sat down to write and put "The Visit" into my CD player.When that familiar instrumental song began to play I finally had my title!As I thought about it more there really couldn't be a more suitable name for this all then "Between the Shadows".I only hope my reader understands it as much as I do.

**DISCLAIMER:** The above was a story of fiction based on characters created and owned by Michael Crichton and NBC.


	2. Whispered I Love You

VOID

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**Chapter Two******

**Whispered I Love You**

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_May 06, 2004_

_2:46 am_

SHE LOOKED incredibly fragile. That wasn't helping the situation much. To see his wife lying in a hospital bed, after having undergone life saving surgery, was not helping the anger inside him. He wanted to lash out at somebody. He wanted to find her attacker and he wanted to kill him. He wanted to blame Kerry for having let her off early. He wanted to blame his job for keeping him from taking her home. He wanted, or more like he did, blame himself for letting her leave the hospital alone. But she said she'd be okay.

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_"Maybe I should take you home." Luka stated but all the while he kept looking over his shoulder at the trauma that had just come in. A little girl that had gotten into her mother's medication. Abby hadn't missed the reluctance in his statement. She smiled up at him sweetly.___

_"No, it's okay. I'll just take the El home." Luka looked down at her uncertainly. It was almost eleven o'clock. The walk to the train was a dark and somewhat long one.___

_"She's going into v-fib!" He heard Carter call from behind them and he glanced over in time to see the doctor take out the paddles.___

___ "You sure?" She gave him an amused look.___

___ "I used to take it all the time Luka. I'm sure. I'll be fine. Go on. Go back to work. Go help Carter." He nodded his head, leaned down and kissed her quickly on the lips, then rushed into the trauma room. Abby smiled at his retreating form then walked out into the night.___

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"I'm so sorry Abby." He whispered the words so softly that he knew, had she been awake, she most likely never would have heard them. Either way it didn't matter, because she wasn't awake. And it wasn't an anesthetic that was keeping her asleep. She was in a sort of coma. Though nobody was quite sure why. Medically she seemed fine. Dr. Benton had had only good news to report after the surgery had been completed. Luka had reviewed her CAT scan confirming for himself that it showed no damage so it wasn't due to head trauma. She should be fine. She just wouldn't wake up.

Luka looked over at the monitor charting her heart rate. He found himself doing that often. Making sure she was still alive. Still with him. The monitor showed that her heart was still beating normally. He wondered if the machine could ever lie. Would it pretend that she was still alive, even if she really wasn't?

"Luka." Luka jumped and looked over at the door. Kerry was standing there holding an unmistakable white box in her hands. The rape kit. He looked away from her and back at his wife. Maybe if he ignored it then it wouldn't be real.

"What?" His voice was cold. He hadn't meant for it to be. It had just come out that way.

"I need to... and those detectives really need to speak with you now. They're waiting outside." Luka looked back at her harshly.

"You brought them up here?" Kerry nodded her head. Behind her a nurse stepped into the room looking rather uncomfortable. Most likely she was there to assist Kerry.

"They only want to help Luka. To find out who did this." Yes, and then I can kill him, Luka thought bitterly. Glancing down at Abby once more he quickly walked past Kerry and the nurse then stepped out into the hall. He was hoping he could sidestep the detectives and make his way back to the ER. No such luck. They were standing there waiting for him the second the door opened.

"Dr. Kovac?" Why did they need to talk to him anyways? He didn't know anything.

"Yes." He answered tiredly. It was nearly three in the morning. He should be at home. Asleep with his wife in his arms. She should be safe. She shouldn't be in a room with a doctor and a nurse about to perform a rape kit on her. She shouldn't be in a coma. She should just be asleep. If his heart could still feel he was certain those thoughts would have caused it much pain.

"We need to ask you a few questions. Dr. Weaver has already filled us in on most of what we need to know." The detective, whom had earlier identified himself as Randy Thompson, looked down at a pad of paper in his hands. Luka watched as the other detective, George Hays, stood to the side seemingly observing the interview. "At what time did you last see your wife last night?"

"It was close to eleven." Luka didn't want to remember that departure again. Why had they brought it up? Of course he knew why. He just really didn't want to talk to them. Even if they were there to help.

"That's consistent with what the other doctor told us." Thompson seemed to be saying this to himself and his partner more then anything. The statement shocked Luka.

"You think I'd lie!" He accused them harshly. He decided he didn't care for these two at all.

"Of course not. Dr. Weaver told me that nurse Kovac left the hospital earlier then her schedule had her down for. Was she upset when you last saw her? You two have a fight?" Luka couldn't believe this. What exactly was he getting at?

"When Abby and I fight we certainly do not let it get in the way of out professional lives. No, she was not upset. She was feeling sick so she left early." The detective looked back down at his pad.

"And where was she going from here?"

"To the subway station to take the El home." Thompson nodded his head and looked back up at Luka.

"She do that often?"

"No, normally she'd go home with me."

"Does your wife have any enemies Dr. Kovac?" Luka's interest was suddenly, fully, peaked. He hadn't thought of that. He had just assumed that whoever had done this to Abby had been a random attacker. Of course Luka realized that a random attacker would make more sense. Why would anybody that knew Abby want to hurt her? And like this?

"You think whoever did this knows her?"

"We can't be sure. Perhaps not. But that is always a possibility." He looked at Luka intently before re-asking his question. "Does she have any enemies?"

"No. Abby's a nurse. She helps people. She doesn't make enemies very easily." Luka honestly couldn't think of anybody who would want to hurt her. No disgruntle patients, nobody.

"Any patients that might not be happy with her treatment?" It was as if the detective had read his mind. Luka only shook his head, already having answered the question for himself. "How long have you two been married?"

"A little over a year."

"So, no chance of any ex boyfriends, ex husbands..."

"Yeah, she has an ex husband but no. This wouldn't be him. That was too long ago. Abby hasn't even seen him in over three years."

"Okay, what's him name?" Luka was annoyed. While they go hunting her ex down they'll be distracting themselves from finding the real perpetrator.

"Richard Lockhart." Before anything else could be said between them there was some commotion in the hallway. Then a group of doctors and nurses were running into Abby's room. Luka immediately followed, his heart racing. When he entered the room he felt his world falling apart all over again. Abby was seizing then suddenly she stopped moving and fell disturbingly limp. Luka glanced at the heart monitor, he wasn't sure if it was out of habit or if he'd really expect there to be a change, to his utter dismay there was. The line was flat and the monitor began to beep loudly. A sound that penetrated his very soul. A sound he'd never again forget.

"Abby." He tried going to her but two arms were already pulling him back. He looked over to see a man he didn't recognize. He tried escaping his grip but failed as he found the man to be surprisingly strong. Probably had to do this a lot. Fend off hysterical family members.

"Sir you'll have to leave." Luka looked at him like he was crazy.

"Kerry what happened?" He yelled over the shouting of the medical staff.

"Luka get out of here now! We'll help her, just leave!" He couldn't believe this. How could she expect him to leave? He needed to be with Abby. If she died he needed to be with her. He tried once more, unsuccessfully, to pull himself away from his captures' grip. Instead he found himself being pushed out into the hallway as the door was shut in his face. Suddenly everything was silent.

Luka just stood staring at the door for a few seconds. He was certain that the next time it opened he'd be told his wife was dead. Same speech he himself had given too many times to count. _"We're so sorry. We did all we could but it just didn't work. Your wife didn't make it."_ Luka knew that if he had to listen to that speech his life would truly be over. There'd be no reason left to go on. He'd done that once and look at what happened. It was about to end in another tragic death. He wouldn't move on. He'd give up. He'd do whatever it took to be with Abby again.

Luka stepped away from the door and backed up against the wall opposite it. He found himself now alone in the hallway. The detectives must have made a quick getaway. Seeing that their only witness was about to die, why would they want to stick around? Suddenly it was just all too much. Everything had been happening so quickly. One thing immediately after another. The baby, the surgery, the coma, the detectives, now this. Luka sank to the floor and placed his head between his knees that were bent forward in front of him. And for the first time since Abby had been rushed into the ER he really cried. His body shook with the sobs and the hallway echoed with their noise. Luka felt as the numbness washed away from him only to be replaced with extreme pain. A hurt he knew would stay with him always.

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Abby looked around at her surroundings and saw the same thing for as far as her vision would allow.Water.She was on some soft of island.It reminded her of the island you always see depicted in a cartoon or comic strip.It was so small that all she had to do was take about fifteen steps before she reached the other side of it.And, ironically enough, there was even a palm tree right in the center of it.Only it was the weirdest palm tree she'd ever seen.It's leafs were all pink.She looked down at the ground beneath her and discovered that the island floor was covered in a white layer of grass.The sun shined off the grass as it flowed slightly in the gentle breeze.She found this odd as well, not only that the grass was white but that there was grass at all.Shouldn't there be sand?

"Hello."Abby jumped at the voice and looked behind her.Sitting beneath the tree was a man she'd never seen before.He had black hair and black clothes, which were both a very odd contrast against the brightness of their surroundings.His features were light though, not too light as to be pale, but just light enough to stand out against his clothing.

"Who are you?"The man shrugged and stood up.To Abby's surprise he was only a few inches taller then she.

"I don't know."He answered in a light playful voice.Abby took a step back.The word crazy sprang quickly to mind."Don't go to far you might fall."Realizing he was right she glanced behind her, she still had a few feet between her and the water.

"Who are you?"She demanded again, this time a little more harshly.

"I said I don't know."Unbelievable, she was trapped on a deserted island with a man who was insane.Not to mention a man who hadn't been there a few minutes ago.She looked around for a boat.Maybe she could get off of this island after all.

"Watcha looking for?"He asked her in his continued playfulness.Abby just glared at him.

"How'd you get here?Who are you?"Her voice was very stern, demanding answers.They wouldn't be force coming.

"I don't know."He smiled at her, not a scary smile but a good-natured one."But you do."

"I do what?"She asked a little despairingly.

"Know who I am silly… and where I came from."He spoke as if this were everyday knowledge.As if she should suddenly remember something and then know exactly what he was talking about.She took another step back."You really shouldn't.You don't want to fall in."Abby was actually beginning to think the opposite.Maybe she should swim for it.She looked down at the water trying to decide which was more dangerous, it or him.His laughing distracted her and she looked back over at him.

"What's so funny?"

"You think you're dangerous."Abby was very confused.

"What?"He laughed some more.His laughter was surprisingly kind and mellow, not taunting or cruel.

"Trust me," He stopped for a moment and started to laugh even harder. "Or should I say trust you?That water is the only thing of any danger to you right now."Abby looked at it again.All it appeared to be was clear, beautiful water.It almost reminded her of the Adriatic Ocean.The thought of her honeymoon saddened her and she had to wonder where Luka was.Was he okay?

"Please just tell me who you are."Abby spoke softly, almost sadly.She suddenly missed Luka very much.The man shook his head.

"Like I said you should know, you brought me here.I am you."She just stared at him in disbelief.Thinking that he really was crazy and wishing her husband were there with her."If I am crazy then so are you."Abby took another step back, this time in shock.He'd read her thoughts.The man reached out and grabbed for her but it was too late.She fell into the water and began to drown.

Abby didn't know it but at that very moment, in a hospital in Chicago, her heart had just stopped beating.

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_3:13 am_

Luka didn't know how long it had been. A lifetime seemed to have passed by. He almost wished that were true. Then nobody he knew would still be alive. They wouldn't have to watch him wallow in his sorrow at losing yet another wife to such misfortune. He wouldn't have to watch their pitiful looks as they asked if he was doing okay. Or worse yet, told him that he'd be okay, that he'd get through this, he was strong. No he wasn't. Nobody was this strong. They wouldn't be here to care when he drove his car off the first bridge he came to. Or swallowed an overdose of the quickest medication he could find in the ER. Luka realized how comforting that thought was and stuffed it into the back on his mind as a possible course of action.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to find Kerry looking down at him. He noticed the absence of that pitiful look all doctors got when they had to relay bad news to the family.

"She's stable." He didn't let her finish. He was on his feat in a flash and in Abby's room even quicker. A nurse was still in the room cleaning up some things but other then that the room was now empty. Luka shook his head trying to figure out how he'd missed an entire medical team leaving and walking right past him. Oh well, it didn't really matter right now.

"Abby." He whispered her name softly. More then anything he simply needed to hear it. He reached out and brushed a few strands of hair away from her forehead. She was still as beautiful to him as the day he'd met her... but all the more precious. He felt, more then saw, as Kerry walked up beside him. "What happened?"

"We're not really sure. She just started seizing and then..." He looked over at her and she continued. "Her heart stopped. It's just one of those things. One of those things that can't be explained. They just happen." She smiled at him. "But the good news is that we got her heart started again with nothing other then using the paddles. It could have been a lot worse Luka."

"Yeah, she could have died." Luka hadn't actually planned on saying the sentence out loud. Not that it bothered him much that he had. "Why won't she wake up?" He didn't really expect Kerry to have an answer and the truth was he was asking himself more then Kerry.

"I have heard of such a thing as a mental coma as appose to a physical coma." He looked at her confused. "Sometimes the patient just doesn't want to wake up. They like it where they are. More peaceful and they don't have to deal with what happened to them."

"If that's true then I'm not sure I want her to wake up. As long as wherever she is she doesn't have to remember what's been done to her." That seemed to remind Kerry of something.

"I still have to finish the rape kit. I think you should go home Luka. Get some rest. Abby would want it that way." Luka knew the last thing he wanted to do was leave her now. What if it happened again? What if next time they couldn't get her back? As a doctor and as a man that had lost his entire family once before, Luka knew he had to stay open to the idea that she still might die. And he was determined to be there for her if it happened. He wouldn't let her die alone thinking he didn't care enough to be there.

"I can't leave her."

"Luka you are exhausted, physically and emotionally, go home and get some sleep. Take a shower. Get refreshed. That way when Abby does wake up you won't be falling asleep on her." She gave him a soft smile. He couldn't bring himself to smile back. There was nothing in his world worth smiling for right now. But he did, slowly, nod his head.

"Okay. If anything changes..."

"I'll call or have somebody call you immediately."

Luka turned back to Abby, gave her a soft kiss on the lips and whispered."I love you."

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**THE END** of Chapter 2

**IMPORTANT: **Please remember to review this chapter because if your reviews stop then so might my writing. :)

**DISCLAIMER:** The above was a story of fiction based on characters created and owned by Michael Crichton and NBC.


	3. The In-Between

VOID

---

**Chapter Three******

**The In-Between**

---

_May 06, 2004_

_3:40 am_

LUKA OPENED the door and stepped into the apartment that he and Abby had been living in for the past year.They'd quickly determined, after their engagement, that they wanted to start over in their lives.Sever most of their past ties.So, they'd decided to find a new place to live.A place that would have only their memories.They'd found the apartment just after they'd come back from their honeymoon.Luka smiled at the memory of their honeymoon.They couldn't figure out where to go and neither of them much cared.Just so long as they were alone and out of County range.Abby had been the first one to suggest it.

_----_

___"How 'bout Croatia?"She smiled over at him lovingly.He just looked at her uncertainly._

_"Croatia?"She nodded, still smiling._

_"Croatia.I hear," She spoke as she straddled his lap."That it's quite a beautiful site to see.Beautiful clear Ocean, nice warm beach."Her eyes were filled with a deep desire as she spoke.She began placing light kisses along his jaw line.Luka had to swallow deeply at the feeling.He could feel her smiling against his skin.No doubt she had just felt his own desire rising.Literally."What do you say?"_

_He didn't say anything.He picked her up and carried her to their bedroom._

_--- -_

After they'd made love Luka had agreed.They'd go to Croatia but only if they stayed away from the mainland.They'd chosen the Island of Brac, just out to sea from the city of Split, it was the closest Luka wanted to get to the mainland.And it was as beautiful as all the information they'd gathered on it said it would be.Luka was glad they had chosen to go to Croatia.He now had a happy memory from his new life that he could relate to his home country.Of course, he had always had a sneaking suspicion that is why Abby had wanted to go there in the first place.

Bringing himself back to the present Luka sat his keys atop a table near the front door.He realized then how empty the apartment felt.It felt like it had been abandoned.Like it knew that Abby was never coming back and as such a part of its soul had been ripped out.

"I know how you feel."He whispered quietly as he walked into the living room.He chastised himself for it instantly.He couldn't think that way.Couldn't believe that.It would destroy him if he did."She's coming back.She'll be home again.She will."He didn't want to sound like he had to convince himself of that so his subconscious decided it was really the apartment he was convincing.Luka shook his head and laughed dryly at the thought of what he'd just said to an inanimate apartment.

Luka kept all the lights off as he walked to their bedroom.He couldn't bring himself to look at everything around him.He didn't want the memories that were associated with it all.Abby had decorated this apartment, she'd done it based on both their likes, but she'd still done it.Most everything in it was put there by her.He suddenly realized he'd been more fortunate, if you could call it that, when his first family had died.Their apartment had been destroyed along with their lives.He'd had no memories to go home to.Nothing left to remind him of his wife or his children.Just a bunch of rumble and objects that could barely be recognized due to the devastation.He had to chastise himself again realizing what he'd just been thinking.Abby was not going to die.

As Luka entered their bedroom the emotions grew stronger.It was no surprise that this room held the most memories.At least the most precious and intimate memories.God, he had to stop thinking like this.She'd come home again and then they'd make even more memories to fill the apartment with.This place would someday be filled with her presence again.It'd be filled with happiness and love.Their happiness, and their love.

Luka looked at the bed and immediately knew that he'd never get any sleep.Especially not there.He'd be better off going into the guestroom that they'd set up for no other reason but to put something in the empty space.A thought occurred to him and he knew he'd never get any sleep in that room either.That would have been the baby's room.The baby that would never be born.The baby that no longer existed.He suddenly did feel very tired.All this emotional stress was getting to be too much.

He lied down on the bed and tried desperately to ignore the empty space beside him.It's not like he'd never slept there without her before.When she worked late then he'd be alone.Or when he worked late and she worked early he'd go home and sleep for a few hours during the day and still be alone.But this was completely different.He hadn't felt this emptiness then.She'd only been at work.A phone call away.She'd be home eventually and then they'd be together again.But right now she was in a coma and very far away.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Abby had no perception of time any more.In fact, wherever she was, she was almost certain time didn't exist.She looked over at the dark haired man.He was in his usual spot beneath the palm tree, head leaning back against it as he just sat there staring up at its leaves.Abby was lying on her side a few feet away from him plucking at the strange grass, trying to decide what was happening to her.He wasn't giving her many answers.

Since time didn't exist she wasn't sure how long ago it was that he'd pulled her out of the water.It seemed a lifetime ago though.She'd been terrified the second she'd finally gotten out.She wasn't sure why, she couldn't remember anymore.Was what she'd seen when she fell into the water been that bad?Or was it peaceful, yet something she wasn't yet ready to face?She had a sure knowledge though that whatever it was, it was death.

"Why pink Abby?"She looked up and over at her companion.He was still staring up at the leaves of the tree.

"What?"She asked dubiously.

"The tree," Came his answer as he looked down at her."Why is it pink?"Abby shook her head.

"How should I know?"She was no longer fearful of whoever this man really was.He'd proven to be quite the opposite of harmful and she was rather glad he was there.She didn't want to be alone.Actually who she really wanted to be with was her husband.

"Because it's a part of you.You created this place.It's your in-between."Before Abby could ask exactly what her _'in-between'_ was, he continued his questions with a childlike interest."What does the color pink imply to you?Does it have any significant meaning in your life?"

"Shouldn't you know?I thought you were me."Abby spoke unenthusiastically as she continued plucking at the grass.She didn't want to be here.

"I'm becoming more me now and less you.That is what you want, or need, so that is what I am becoming."She looked at him and found him looking at her."The pink?"Abby laughed lightly.He was definitely persistent if nothing else.

"It's the color of my nurses uniform."Abby shrugged."I guess that's why it's pink."He nodded and then looked down at the grass.

"What about the grass.Why is it white?"His enthusiasm was ever present.

"My husband's a doctor."She said sadly looking at the grass also."His lab coat is white."Abby thought this was all very odd, if not stupid.Why a pink tree and white grass to represent these things in her life?Why not the actual uniform or Luka's coat?If this all did come from her mind then her mind was a totally messed up place?

"You miss your husband, don't you?"Abby looked up miserably.

"Of course."She sighed deeply then asked."Am I dead?I'm not gonna have to spent all eternity here with you am I?"

"Nope, I'll be gone as soon as you are.As for being dead, well you're not yet.You're in the in-between right now."

"What is that exactly?"Abby was thrilled that he was finally giving her some information.

"It's a place of your own creation.A place you go when you're not sure where to go.It's not really purgatory, cause you're not really close to being dead yet.It's just a place to come and think.To figure things out.Kind of like meditating only far deeper."His cheerful voice hadn't left him.Abby wondered how exactly her mind had created someone so happy.

"Then why's it called the in-between?"He looked out over the water and Abby followed his gaze.

"Because there's always a way to die.Even here.You may choose not to wake up.You may want to die."His voice had suddenly become surprisingly solemn.He nodded his chin towards the water."That's your way out.Your way to die."Abby shivered as she looked out over the water.Suddenly it wasn't quite so beautiful.

"Well, I've made my decision."She said setting up and crossing her legs Indian style."I want to go home now.I don't want to die.I want to be with Luka."He looked at her sadly and Abby was wishing for the happy him back.

"Are you sure?"Abby was about to answer him with a certified _'yes'_ when the sky suddenly erupted in thunder.Clouds filled it quickly and the waves of the sea were crashing against each other harshly, yet managing to stay clear of the island.The once beautiful sunny island was now filled with shadows that terrified her.She watched in horror as the grass below her turned into a brown color that could only signify it had just died.She got quickly to her feet and backed up a few steps careful not to fall off the edge and into the ocean again.She looked up at the tree and watched as its leaves shriveled into nothingness till all that remained was a long trunk coming out of the ground.Even it looked dead.She looked over at the man terrified.

"What's happening?"She had to yell over the sound of both the thunder and the roaring ocean.Though everything else seemed to stand in shadows he showed clearly.His face was the expression of pain as he looked over towards the tree.Abby had a very bad feeling about what he was looking at.Nonetheless, her gaze slowly followed his.

There in the shadows beside the tree was the man that had attacked her.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_7:30_

Luka woke up some time later surprised that he had fallen asleep at all.Rolling over onto his side he looked at the clock.7:30.He sat up immediately and got out of bed.He had to get back to the hospital.How could he have stayed away for so long?What if something had happened to Abby?Luka stopped the thought.Somebody would have called him.He knew he could trust Kerry to have made sure of that much.Abby was just fine.Well, she was alive anyhow.

On his way to the bathroom Luka spotted a picture of Abby sitting on top of his dresser.He remembered the day he'd put it up there.

_- - - -_

_"Great," Abby spoke as she walked into their bedroom in time to see Luka setting a picture of her on top of his tall dresser."Just what I want to see every time I walk into this room.A picture of me."He looked down at her and smiled.Then laughed as he reached out and sat his hands gently on her shoulders._

_"Uh, Abby..." He left his words hanging as he gently turned her around.And from across the room they could both see themselves in a large mirror that hung over a short dresser.Abby just looked at their image for a moment then let out a laugh.Music to his ears._

_"Okay, point taken."His smile broadened as he leaned down a ways and wrapped his arms around her waist.Still staring at them, or more like her, in the mirror his face turned sober as he whispered softly into her ear._

_"Besides, you're beautiful."He remembered the first time he'd told her that and wondered if she remembered also.Her face only grew solemn as she pulled away from him gently._

_"Yeah."She began walking past him but he hadn't missed her sudden change in attitude.He grabbed her by the waist lightly and pulled her back to him._

_"Hey."He turned her to face him and looked down at her.Her eyes were cast to the floor."What's that supposed to mean?"She looked up at him and smiled.A fake smile Luka knew._

_"Nothing."_

_"Abby."_

_"Luka."_

_"Abby," Before she could repeat his name again he placed a finger to her lips."What did you mean by that Abby?"The last thing he'd expected from her was a sudden lack of self-confidence.She shrugged._

_"By what Luka?I barley said anything."Did she honestly think he'd believe that her drop in attitude had meant nothing?_

_"You are beautiful."He wasn't sure why but suddenly he wanted to make her believe that.Or at least believe that he believed it._

_"Okay."She said and started to walk away again.Luka reached out and grabbed hold of her arm."Look Luka," She suddenly spat out turning to face him."I just don't think I'm all that great looking, okay?"He was taken aback by this._

_"Abby where is this coming from?"She looked at her feet grimly._

_"I don't know.I've just been thinking a lot lately about what attracted you to me in the first place."She looked up and sighed."I'm certainly no Carol Hathaway.And I know your wife was-"_

_"Abby stop it."He wasn't angry, in fact he spoke the words quite softly."First of all, you are my wife.Second, when I first met you I thought you were one of the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen."He paused and lifted her chin up so that she was forced to look him in the eyes."And yeah, I thought you were more attractive then Carol Hathaway."To his delight she smiled, a real smile._

_"One of?"She questioned and he laughed._

_"Well, Danijela was beautiful too."She smiled for a second more before looking back down at the floor as the smile vanished."Abby what exactly do you think of yourself?"She shrugged her shoulders._

_"I don't know.I mean I don't think I'm ugly or anything.I just, I'm, well, plain.To be honest I don't know what you see in me?"_

_"Abby you are beautiful and you are anything but plain," He spoke softly, "But that's not why I love you or what first attracted me to you.It's your personality.It's who you are inside. You've been through so much in your life, yet still you go into work everyday and help all the people that come through the ER."Abby quickly interrupted him there._

_"So do you Luka."Luka smiled but shook his head._

_"You're the nurse Abby.You're the one that they're always hanging their problems on long after I've left the room.And you listen to them, no matter how many problems you have in your own life, you sit there and listen to every word they're saying.It amazes me Abby, it really does."He paused and then continued, bringing this to a more personal basis."That night, when you first showed up at my hotel room, I couldn't believe you were there.I couldn't believe anybody would care that much.That's when I knew.I defiantly had fallen in love with you."Abby smiled again, another genuine smile and Luka knew that her mood was lifting._

_"Is that why you wouldn't sleep with me that night?Because I certainly would have let you."Luka laughed wrapping his arms around her."I mean geez Luka, I was practically pulling off your shirt when you stopped me."She kept talking into his chest, him laughing all the while."I don't think there's another man alive who would have stopped me.Girl shows up at his hotel room, alone, after just one date, starts making out with him.Hmmm?Open invitation for sex?I think so."_

_"I could never have done that Abby.Especially not to you.Making love with you that soon would have ruined everything."He smiled but turned more serious."Besides I would have feared you'd think it was just unemotional sex and nothing else.Just a release for me."Abby looked up at him and smiled._

_"With the way your emotional state was that night, I would have."_

_"Point taken."He leaned down and kissed her._

_----_

Luka sat the photo back atop the dresser and headed for the bathroom adjoining their bedroom.He'd shower.Maybe grab something to eat.Then head for the hospital.His wife, he knew, would be there waiting.

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**THE END** of Chapter 3

**END NOTE:** Sorry this took so long but I've been waiting till I was sure that FanFiction.net were back on their feet before posting.I hope you enjoy and _please review_.

**DISCLAIMER:** The above was a story of fiction based on characters created and owned by Michael Crichton, NBC and Warner Bros.


	4. Danijela

VOID

---

**Chapter Four******

**Danijela**

---

ABBY STUMBLED backwards as she watched her attacker advancing towards her.All the memories of what he'd done to her were playing at her mind.Terrifying her more then the ocean behind her.More then the death that it had waiting for her.She looked around desperately searching for a way out.Just as the night he'd attacked her, she was stuck.Nowhere to go, nobody to help her.And just like that night, she desperately wished that Luka were there.Suddenly her attacker stopped his advances and stood only a foot in front of her.He was glaring down at her with cold and sinful eyes.Eyes she remembered even from a time before he'd attacked her.

"He's still there Abby.Your deepest fear, your darkest nightmare.He's still out there.Are you sure you want to go back?"Abby sank to the ground and began to cry.She didn't ever want to see him again.She wanted to pretend he didn't exist, that what he'd done to her hadn't happened.

She thought of Luka and she thought of leaving him.If she walked into the water behind her nobody would pull her out this time.That she was sure of.She'd die and Luka would be alone.Again.She didn't want to hurt him.She didn't want to lose him.But she didn't want to go back either.

She wasn't strong enough to face up to everything.The police would be asking her questions.The doctors would be asking her questions.Everybody would want to know if she was all right.They'd all look at her with pity.But worse then all of this would be Luka's questions.He'd want to know what had happened.He'd want her to talk to him about it and she was certain she couldn't do that.She didn't want him to know any more then the doctors would have already told him.Then she thought of the trial.If her assailant was found there'd be a trial and she'd have to testify.She'd have to explain what had happened.She could see her husband's disgusted look already as she started explaining the details of the crime.He'd be appalled.He'd never want anything to do with her again.He'd hate her.He'd leave her.She couldn't face that.

Abby began backing up towards the water.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -__

_May 06 2004_

_8:20 am_

Luka felt all eyes on him the second he'd walked through the emergency room doors.It was quite obvious they'd all heard of what had happened.Not that he'd expected they wouldn't have.When a nurse that works in the ER is rushed there via ambulance the entire hospital is bound to find out.Their reactions however were not what he'd expected.Everywhere he turned he didn't see people whispering quietly in a corner while pretending not to be watching him, then hushing up quickly when they saw that he was watching them.Instead all he got were looks of sympathy and sorrow, an almost equally disturbing reaction.He had never like it when people pitied him.But at lease, Luka thought, they were not gossiping about the attack.They were respecting Abby.

"Hello Dr. Kovac."Luka smiled down at Chen but kept on walking.He just wanted off of this floor.Spotting the reason he was in the ER, Luka began quickly walking towards admit where Kerry stood looking over some charts.

"Hey, Luka!"Luka closed his eyes briefly and sighed.He knew that voice well.Turning around somewhat unwillingly he found John Carter racing up to him.The younger doctor stopped in front of Luka and looked up at him with concern revealed in his eyes."How you doing?"Luka was taken aback.He hadn't expected this._How is Abby?Is she okay?Will she be all right?_Those questions he had been prepared for.Those questions he could answer.But how was he?He didn't really know.

"I'm fine Carter."Luka lied and continued his journey towards admit.Vaguely he heard Carter calling after him but chose to ignore it.He wasn't sure why Carter had even asked that question.It was no hospital secret that the two doctors did not get along very well, or at all.They had one thing in common though.They were both in love with the same woman.

_----_

_"Luka?"_

_"Hm?"Had been his only reply.He was already half asleep.Leave it to Abby to choose this moment to decide to finally confess to what had been bothering her all day.He felt her shift on the bed but didn't open his eyes._

_"Can I tell you something?"Her voice sounded small, like a child's.She was uncertain of whether or not she should tell him whatever it was she wanted to tell him.He for one just wanted her to get it over with so that he could sleep.He had an early shift the next morning._

_"Sure, why not."It was only one in the morning.Luka resisted the urge to turn over and face his back to her.He didn't mean to be a jerk but he really was tired and he had, after all, been trying to get her to open up to him all day.He settled for keeping his eyes closed as he felt the comfort of sleep drift closer._

_"I love you."His eyes sprang wide open and he looked up at her in shock.Had she really just said that?Had he been hearing things?Wishful thinking maybe.She was lying on her side beside him looking over at him with an expression that confirmed she really had just spoken those words._

_"What?"His voice wouldn't allow for anything else._

_"I'm sorry.I shouldn't have said... I'm sorry.Forget I said anything."Luka propped himself up on one arm while reaching out with the other to grab her by the waist gently, preventing her from moving away as he knew she had just been about to do.He was totally astounded.He had never expected Abby would be the first to admit to these feelings.In fact he had been certain he'd have to practically force them out of her if they were there at all.He had suspected she was in love with him, but had never been certain of it._

_He quickly pulled himself back together and pushed the shock away.He watched her bottom lip begin to tremble then a tear slipped down her cheek.He reached out and wiped it quickly away._

_"Why are you crying?"He whispered softly.She looked at him sadly._

_"I don't want to lose you."Her voice was so soft he had to strain to hear it._

_"Why would you lose me Abby?"A few more silent tears fell from her eyes._

_"Because of what I just said.Because I know you don't feel that way."Luka's heart broke.Did she really think that?_

_"You think I don't love you?"She nodded and he wiped a few more tears away.This time he allowed his hand to stay a little longer to caress her cheek."Abby what kind of man would I be if I dated you for nearly a year and had no true feelings for you?"Her expression was that of total surprise.Almost as his had been a few moments earlier.She laughed slightly._

_"I guess that's true."He laughed also and pulled her head gently towards his._

_"I love you Abby.I really, really do."Their lips met just as his last word was spoken.It would be a short kiss though.Abby pulled away from him slightly and he could tell something was still bothering her.There was more to this._

_"What is it Abby?"She looked down at the bed and started fiddling with the sheets between them._

_"Don't get mad."_

_"I won't."Luka assured her._

_"Carter told me today that..." Her words trailed off.He didn't like where this was going.He hated sentences that began with Carter or John.Still he had to push forward as he knew this had been bothering her all day.Besides he didn't really perceive Carter as a threat anymore.Abby had just confessed her love to him.He didn't think he had anything to be jealous of anymore._

_"What did he tell you Abby?"Suddenly he knew the answer even before she'd spoken it._

_"That he loves me."She looked back up at him."That he's in love with me."He'd lied.He was angry.The evidence must have shown on his face._

_"You said you wouldn't get mad."Abby reminded him.But how could he not?Another man had just told his girlfriend that he was in love with her.He supposed the situation would be different if that other man hadn't known that she was his girlfriend._

_"Luka it doesn't even matter."He begged to differ."I love you not him.And I told him this."Still something more played at Luka's mind._

_"Then why is this bothering you?"He didn't want to be accusative but he had to know the answer.If she didn't love him then why did it matter enough to bother her so much._

_"It just hurts, that's all."Luka was clueless._

_"What?"_

_"He was my best friend.Well, you're my best friend, but you know.And I thought that he cared about me as a friend.Now it sounds like he doesn't want anything to do with me if I don't play along and become more then just his friend."She was clearly in a lot of anguish over this and Luka felt extreme anger towards Carter for doing this to her.Like she didn't already have enough demons running after her._

_"Abby."He brought her head to his chest and lied down against the bed, holding her tightly."What did he say when you said you weren't in love with him?"_

_"I told him that I loved you and he said that I'd never be happy and then he just walked away."Quite conceited of Carter to presume that she'd be unhappy with Luka but happy with him."I'm sure he was just angry.It just really hurts.I hope he and I can still be friends somehow."_

_"I do too Abby.I really do."And that was the truth._

_----_

Luka wondered if John was indeed still in love with Abby.It had been three years since that conversation had taken place between him and Abby.Though Abby had never mentioned it again he had watched as she and Carter slowly grew to being friends again.He was happy for her.Though he never cared much for Carter and never particularly wanted him around Abby it was evident that she still needed him as a friend.And that Luka could live with.As long as it made Abby happy and certainly appeared to do just that.

_----_

_"I just want you two to get along."_

_"We get along."Luka stood before the kitchen sink draining some pasta into it as Abby sat atop the counter beside the sink.His worst nightmare was about to come true.He was having a quite dinner at home with his fiancé and a man who had once confessed to being in love with her._

_"Luka you hate him."Luka thought about this for a moment and quietly admitted to himself that, yes, he probably did hate John Carter._

_"I don't hate him Abby."_

_"Yes you do."Her words sounded so pitiful that Luka couldn't help but give a small smile.He directed it towards the sink hoping she wouldn't notice.She did._

_"What's so funny?"_

_"I just don't see why you want us to get along anyways.Everything's always worked out just fine the way it is."_

_"You mean how every time I want to have a conversation with Carter I have to practically go behind your back to do it."Luka sighed and sat the drainer down inside the sink.He walked over and stood before Abby._

_"I don't care when you and Carter hang out.It doesn't bother me."She gave him her continued pitiful look._

_"I know."_

_"So what's bothering you so much?"He brought his hand up and gently caressed her check._

_"You're about to become my husband Luka.And Carter is my friend, my very good friend.I'd just like the two of you to get along is all."She took his hand from her check and held it in her lap.He smiled at her with his most genuine smile._

_"Alright, since I got the girl I will now try and get along with him."Abby laughed and Luka wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her towards him.He leaned in and began kissing her neck._

_"How long till he gets here?"Luka asked against her skin.He felt Abby take in a deep breath._

_"One hour."His hands began to roam the front of her body."God, Luka stop this."She didn't sound at all like she really wanted him to stop._

_"We could probably manage something in one hour."His right hand found its destination as he cupped her breast gently._

_"Yeah, we could finish dinner."With that she pulled his hand away from her and pushed him away a little.He didn't go easily as he touched her lips with his._

_"We'll do that later."He said softly against her mouth._

_"We won't have time latter and I don't really want to tell Carter that we couldn't finish dinner because we were too busy making love.Do you?"Luka laughed and brought his hand back to its exploration._

_"Yes, actually I would very much like to tell him that."_

_----_

"Kerry?"Kerry looked up and gave Luka a gentle smile.

"How are you doing Luka?"He ignored the question.It wasn't important.Why were they asking it?

"Can we talk?"Kerry nodded her head, she understood.He was relieved.

"I think we need to.Come on."As Kerry led him away from admit Luka could still feel all eyes on him.It was an uncomfortable feeling.One he could defiantly do without.Yet the eyes continued to watch them until the lounge door swung shut blocking their view.They were all probably wondering what was going to be discussed, all the while knowing what was going to be discussed.

The first thing Kerry did was walk over to the coffee pot.He watched as she slowly poured herself a cup and, equally slowly, began preparing it the way she liked.Normally this would have irritated him.It always did.People who took their sweet time before finally telling you the bad news.The news that was going to change your whole world.Today though her lack of speed was welcoming.He didn't want to hear the news.Though he already knew what was going to be discussed, as it had been discussed previously, he still did not want in confirmed.Not through medical means, not through any means.

All to soon Kerry's delay was over and her coffee was ready to be drunk.She walked over and sat down at the lounge table, indicating for him to do the same.Hesitantly he did.

"The rape kit came back positive Luka."Luka had known it would but the verification of it out loud still brought him more pain.A tear found a path down his cheek but he quickly wiped it away."There was only one sample of DNA found though, more then likely it belongs to you.We will have to run a blood test on you to prove it."Luka only nodded.

The assailant had used protection.Of this he was only half relieved.There was much less chance of Abby having contracted any STDs through him.But now there was also less chance of finding the monster that had done this to her.What if they did find him but had no real evidence against him?DNA would have been their strongest link and there was no chance of this.Luka shook the thoughts out of his head.He didn't care.As much as he wanted this man to be caught, Abby's physical well being mattered to him most.And for the first time Luka realized that that really was much more important to him then revenge.

"We of course still did all the STD prevention stuff.Gave her all the pills, ran all the tests.There's no chance of pregnancy..." Kerry must have realized what she was saying as her voice went suddenly soft.No, Luka thought bitterly, there was no change this monster had created life, he'd only destroyed it.

"So we skipped that test."Kerry continued passing the subject quickly."We did another head CT this morning and everything still appeared to be normal.Benton checked her out again and said that everything, as far as her surgery went, was looking great.She also has some pretty bad bruising on her abdomen, back, arms, and legs but…"

"Thoroughness," Luka cut her off, his eyes were brimming with unshed tears."Is really not needed right now Kerry.I don't want to hear this."Kerry looked at him sadly.

"But you need to hear it Luka.You need to know."A few tears escaped his eyes and Luka immediately wiped at them.He wanted to see Abby.

"I'm going to go upstairs now.I need to see her."Kerry nodded her head in understanding.

"She's gonna be okay Luka.It'll take some time but she will be okay.Abby's strong, she'll pull through this."Luka nodded and stood up.He only wished he felt as confident as she sounded.Besides, Luka thought, even if Abby did get through this, would he?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Abby could feel the water touching her fingertips as she neared closer and closer to it.Everything would be over soon and she'd be free from these heinous memories.She only wished she'd been able to say goodbye to Luka.Somewhere in her heart she knew that her death would destroy him.But right now her mind was seeing only one thing.Him walking away from her, saying that she was no longer good enough to be his wife.He'd hate her.He'd be disgusted by her and she couldn't face that.She certainly couldn't face a life without him in it.The water was closer now, she could almost feel herself growing weaker.

A hand reached out and touched Abby lightly on the shoulder.It wasn't her companion from earlier, she could tell that much.Abby looked up and at the new arrival on the island.There, before her, stood a most beautiful woman.

The woman had dark hair that hung just passed her shoulders and compassionate brown eyes.She wore a long blue dress that went down to her ankles and snug to her body just perfectly.Everything about this woman appeared to be perfect.Like she was real, but not really.That's when Abby finally realized that she recognized this woman.She recognized her from a picture.A picture that was still in her husband's wallet today.

This woman that stood before her was Danijela.

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**THE END** of Chapter 4

**Acknowledgments: **I'd like to thank! everyone who has so far reviewed this story.You have no idea what your reviews mean to me.Really, without them I'd never be able to continue my writing. :)I love them!Thank you all so much!

**DISCLAIMER:** The above was a story of fiction based on characters created and owned by Michael Crichton and NBC.


	5. Written in the Stars

-     -     -

**Chapter Five******

**Written in the Stars**

-     -     -

_M__ay 06 2004_

_10:22 am_

THE CONSTANT humming of the machines was actually taking its toll on Luka's sanity, as he was about to reach out and disconnect them all from the patient.  He quickly stopped himself short of doing so though.  He could never harm any patient but by far he could never harm this patient.

         Luka reached out a hand and laid it gently on Abby's abdomen, careful not to lay pressure where her injury was.  This was his ritual, performed at least a dozen times a minute.  It was his way of reassuring himself that she was still breathing.  That she was still alive.  God forbid he should lay his hand down and find no movement.  If she stopped breathing he was certain he would as well.

          Luka had seen life cut short so many times before.  His own family.  His own neighbors.  People he didn't even know that were rushed into the ER.  Pre-term births.  Miscarriages.  Luka mentally shook his head knowing where his thoughts were going.  But it was to late.  They were already there.

          He looked over his wife's beautiful face and wondered if she knew.  Knew that she was pregnant.  Or that she had been pregnant.  Would she wake up and immediately recognize that her womb was empty.  Or would he have to explain it all to her.  Tell her that she had been pregnant and that he'd chosen to let them terminate that pregnancy so that she could have a higher chance of survival.  Would she blame him for killing their child?  Would she blame herself for yet another terminated pregnancy?

_-  -  -  -_

_          The patient's desperate tears and pleading eyes were becoming too much for Abby.  She wanted to leave the room and forget this woman ever came into the ER.  But she knew she couldn't.  She had to help her.  She had to see her through this._

_          "The OR's just been notified.  They're ready for her."  Abby was relieved.  Soon this patient, that reminded her too much of herself, would be gone.  She'd no longer have to face her and try and assure her that everything was going to be all right.  When she knew nothing was going to be all right._

_          The woman's cries became more frantic as she heard the words of the other nurse and Abby looked over and Chuni and silently cursed her for having said them so loud.  The patient's eyes were now pleading for this not to happen.  For them not to do what they were about to do.  But they had to.  There was no other choice._

_          Luka walked over beside Abby and pulled up the rail of the gurney the woman was lying on.  He seemed cold.  Like he didn't care.  And he probably didn't.  He probably thought she deserved the fate that was about to be handed her.  The fate of never being able to conceive another child.  But Abby believed otherwise.  Nobody deserved this.  No matter what they'd previously done._

_          "It's going to be alright Miss. Candice.  Everything will be okay."  False words to a desperate woman Abby knew.  Still they'd come out anyways.  The look Miss. Candice gave her told Abby that she knew her words were solely a poor attempt at comfort.  Comfort that would never come._

_          "Please don't let them do this."  She pleaded as if Abby could stop the ensuing surgery.  "I didn't mean for this.  I just wasn't ready.  I wasn't ready for a baby.  My husband doesn't even know."_

_          All words Abby had heard her confess already.  Words she could easily relate to.  Her heart was breaking for this patient.  Still, she silently pleaded for her transfer up to the OR to happen, and quickly._

_          Luka began detaching cords and wires from the patient and from varies machines around the room.  Miss. Candice's eyes fell on him as he swiftly went about his job paying her little attention._

_          "Please don't let them do this."  She pleaded with Luka this time, as if having given up hope that Abby would help her._

_          "Miss. Candice the damage from your abortion is very bad and irreparable."  Luka's words were not that of a sympathetic doctor but more of an irritated one.  "There is no choice but to perform a hysterectomy."_

_          Abby looked back down at the patient.  Her eyes had grown distant and even more pained.  She didn't deserve this.  Nobody deserved this.  Woman had abortions everyday and everyday they came out of them just fine.  So, why her?  Why had her abortion been flawed?  Why was she being condemned to this fate?  Why hadn't this happened to Abby?  She was the one who didn't want children.  The one who could never allow herself to have them because she'd disease them.  Miss. Candice wanted children, she had explained that earlier, it was just to soon.  She didn't want them now.  And now she'd never be able to have them._

_          "I wouldn't have done it... if I'd known... known it would be my only... chance to have a child... I just."  She dissolved into more tears and Abby finished for her._

_          "Wasn't ready."  The woman nodded her head and looked up at Abby._

_          "I wasn't ready."  She confirmed out loud._

_          "I know."  Abby leaned in a little closer to the patient and suddenly forgot that they weren't alone.  Forgot that her fiancé was standing closely by.  "I've had an abortion too Miss. Candice and I know the pain.  This isn't your fault.  There was no reason for you to think anything would go wrong."_

_          For the first time Miss. Candice seemed to calm down, if just a little.  Abby smiled down at her softly, reassuringly._

_          "We have to take her up now."  Luka's voice was angry and Abby looked up at him as if just realizing he was in the room.  She felt Miss. Candice grab her hand tightly and her attention was diverted back to her patient.  The woman's eyes were still pleading.  She didn't want this.  But there was no choice._

_          "It will be okay.  There is life after this, you'll see."  With that the woman's gurney was wheeled out of the room and out of Abby's site._

_          When Abby looked back up she found Luka looking down at her.  He was angry.  The only other person left in the room was Chuni and she seemed rather nerves to be there._

_          "Umm, I'll just take these extra bags of o nag..." Neither Abby nor Luka acknowledged she was even speaking.  "Yeah, okay."  Chuni quickly walked out of the trauma room leaving Abby and Luka alone._

_          "Luka-"_

_          "Where you ever going to tell me?"  Abby just looked down at her feet not sure what to say.  Truth was she had no intentions of ever telling him.  Why would she?  If something, that wasn't really important, could hurt a relationship then wasn't it best to keep it unsaid?_

_          "Abby?"  He was angry with her.  She could hear it in his voice.  He hated her._

_          "No Luka, I wasn't.  It's not even important to us.  It's over.  It was a long time ago and I can't change that I did it.  Why tell you when I know it would only hurt things between us?"_

_          "So, it wasn't mine?"  Abby was shocked.  Did he really think she'd do that to him?_

_          "No Luka, it wasn't yours."  She reassured him.  "It was Richards baby."_

_          "You still should have told me.  I have a right to know something like that about the woman that's about to become my wife."_

_          "Why, would it have changed your mind about wanting to marry me?"  Abby spoke the words not at all believing they'd be true.  Luka remained silent and that silence scarred her.  She felt her heart sink as she thought that perhaps he wouldn't want to marry her now._

_          "Is it true."  She asked cautiously.  "You don't want to marry me because I aborted a pregnancy with another man."_

_          "I don't want to have to worry that my wife is going to get pregnant and decide not to ever tell me about it but just to abort it."  Abby couldn't quite believe he was saying this.  Couldn't believe that he'd think she'd ever do that to him._

_          "I would never do that to you.  I love you.  I hated Richard.  My entire marriage with him after our honeymoon was a wreck."  His eyes remained cold, if only a little softer.  "Richard was a total jerk.  He wouldn't have wanted a child.  He didn't deserve a child.  Mostly though I just couldn't bring another person into that life.  I couldn't do that so I aborted the pregnancy but I would never do that to you.  Because with you I know that if I screw up as a mother, you'll always still be there to clean up my mess."  The next thing Abby knew she was in Luka's arms and he was hugging her tightly._

_          "Don't ever think that Abby.  You won't screw up.  You'd be so great as a mother.  I've seen you with children and you always know just what to do.  You will make a wonderful mother."_

_          "I don't know if I want to be a mother."  She looked up and into Luka's eyes.  "And I know that's not fair to you."_

_          "Abby I am perfectly happy with the idea of spending the rest of my life with just you.  I just need to know that if you do get pregnant you will tell me."_

_          "I'll tell you Luka.  I promise."_

_-  -  -  -_

          If she knew, Luka wondered, why hadn't she told him?  Had she just not gotten around to it?  Or had she been too scared to?  Maybe she really didn't want the baby and was afraid he would.  And, in truth, he would have.

          They'd never discussed having children.  Sure, Abby had agreed he'd know about it if she did get pregnant.  But they'd never actually discussed what would happen if that time came.  He knew they should have.  He'd known it then and still knew it now.  This had been a bombshell waiting to go off.

          "Abby," He lifted his hand from her stomach and used it to gently caress her cheek.  "Abby, please wake up."

          The sound of the door opening caught Luka's immediate attention and he looked over to see Carter walk into the room.  Under normal circumstances he wouldn't have been at all happy to see the doctor.  Right now though, he had something he wanted to ask him.

          "You were with them, when they were working on Abby."  It was more a statement then a question, as Luka already knew Carter had been there.

          "Yeah, I was there."  Luka nodded his head, taking note of a small medical box Carter was carrying but not asking about it.

          "How far along was she?"  There was no need for him to ask more.  His question, he knew, was clear.

          "About eight weeks."  Carter answered softly as he pulled up a chair and sat across from Luka.  Luka still had one more question.  A question he was almost afraid to hear an answer to.  He didn't want to believe that Abby would tell someone else before she told him.  But he had to ask.

          "Did you know?"  The look on Carter's face was reassuring.

          "Did I know?"

          "About the baby."

          "No, of course I didn't know.  Why would I have?  She's your wife."  Luka looked at him skeptically.  Both doctors knowing what his look was saying.

          "I know Abby still tells you things that she doesn't tell me.  And I know she wasn't too keen on having a baby.  So, I just thought maybe she'd talked to you about it."  In all reality Luka felt a little humiliated to admitting such things about his wife.  But both of them already knew these things were true.  Abby didn't always turn to him when she needed somebody.

          "Luka do you know how long it's been since I've had an intimate conversation with Abby?"  Luka didn't answer.  He didn't have an answer.  He honestly didn't know how close Abby was to Carter anymore.  He hadn't been paying that much attention.  He trusted Abby and had never, not since the night she'd told him she loved him, viewed Carter as a threat to his relationship with her.  So, as time passed he'd just stopped caring about her casual talks with Carter.  He'd stopped paying attention to how often they took place and when they took place.  Another thing he wasn't proud of.  He looked back over at Abby, not wanting to see Carter anymore.

          "I don't know Carter."  He answered the question somewhat reluctantly.

          "It's been almost a year."  Luka looked at him astonished.  A year?  He'd had no idea it'd been that long since Abby had really talked to Carter.  No wonder he hadn't noticed.

          "A year?"  He asked skeptically.  Still not quite believing it.

          "Yup, since you two got married she hasn't had time to talk to me.  She hasn't needed to either.  You make her happy Luka.  You really always have."  Luka couldn't believe these words were coming out of John Carter, his archrival.  A man that had once claimed to be in love with Abby.

          "Do you still love her?"  He found himself suddenly asking as he re-fixed his gaze on the man seated beside him.

          "I love her," Carter spoke.  "But I'm not in love with her.  I don't think I ever was.  She's just a really, really good friend."  Luka knew that at that moment a pact was being formed between the two doctors.  A pact to end the tension that had been between them for far too long.  He knew they wouldn't suddenly become best friends but at least they'd be able to do more then simply tolerate each other from now on.

          "What's the med kit for?"  Luka asked nodding towards the box in Carter's hands.

          "It's just to draw some blood for your DNA test.  I offered to do it."  Despite the current anguish of his life Luka laughed softly.

          "I bet you did."  Carter too smiled as he began to open the box.

          "I won't take too much blood, promise."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Abby had stopped moving.  Her entire body frozen in place as she stared unbelievingly at this woman.  At Danijela.  This wasn't happening.  This could not be happening.  She'd given in to the belief that all the rest had happened.  That the man who had been her companion since she'd arrived in this place was indeed a creation of her own mind.  That this island, the in-between as he'd called it, was also of her mind's creation.  She could even accept and believe that the Ocean around her, the one that had at one point reminded her of the Adriatic Sea, could be her entrance into the afterlife.  What she couldn't believe was that she was now on this island with her husband's dead wife.

          A quick scan of the area around her confirmed to Abby that her earlier companion was gone and she was now alone with Danijela.  This wasn't happening.  The words continued to echo in her head.  This could not be happening.  Danijela wasn't really here.  She couldn't be here because she was dead.  This wasn't the afterlife.  This place, this island, was not death and Abby herself was not dead.  So how could Danijela be here?  Was she, as the man from before had been, a creation of Abby's mind?

          Ever so slowly Abby stood up and took a few steps away from Danijela.  Danijela in turn smiled at her softly.  A caring smile, a reassuring smile.  Yet it did not help to ease the apprehension Abby was feeling as she took yet another step back.

          "Hello."  A simple greeting.  One that did not please Abby at all.  Hello?  What was that?  A dead woman suddenly appears before you and all she says is hello.  Abby didn't know what to make of this.  She didn't want to make anything of it.  She didn't want to be standing here in the presence of her husband's late wife.  She wanted to be somewhere else, anywhere else.

          "I believe you know who I am."  Abby could only nod stepping back further.  "Don't be frightened."  Frightened?  She wasn't frightened.  She didn't know what she was but she was not scared.

          "I'm not."  Abby managed to say.  "With all do respect though, I believe my husband would be far happier to see you."  Abby cringed at her choice of words.  My husband.  Should she have said that?  Did it really matter?  Danijela must, after all, know exactly who Abby was and to whom she was married.

          "Actually," Danijela smiled sadly.  "I believe right now Luka would simply be happy to see you.  Awake that is."

          Abby looked over at the water then.  It was calm again.  The gentle waves flowing kindly creating beautiful whitecaps as it did so.  She had just been about to enter that water.  To die.  She knew why Danijela was here.

          "Is that why you're here?  To convince me to go back to Luka?"  Abby spoke the question already knowing the answer.

          "Not exactly.  I can't convince you of anything.  The decision is completely your own to make.  I can tell you that at this very moment Luka is setting in a hospital room beside his comatose wife feeling as though his entire life has fallen apart.  Again."  This brought a few tears to Abby's eyes as the mental image of it all entered her head.  She didn't want to hurt him.  He didn't deserve any more pain in this life or any other for that matter.

          "Luka's strong-" Danijela didn't let her continue her obviously bad reasoning.

          "He's not this strong.  He's lost an entire family.  Now he's losing another.  You are his family and he needs you.  Your fears are unwarranted.  Luka would never deny you because of what has happened.  He will be there for you through it all and he will never abandon you.  He loves and needs you as much as you do him.  You are his soul mate.  He can't be without you."

          Abby looked at Danijela completely surprised.  Had she really just said that?  "His soul mate?  This coming from you?"

          "Yes, Abby, his soul mate.  Luka never loved me the way he loves you.  He wasn't meant to.  He was meant to be with you.  And I believe he's told you something along these very lines himself."

_-  -  -  -_

_          Abby kept walking, not really knowing or caring where she was going.  She knew Luka was behind her.  That he was trying to catch up to her.  She considered the idea of running again but dismissed it and instead continued to walk faster.  A part of her knew how dumb this really was.  Even if she managed to run away from him tonight she'd have to face him tomorrow.  She'd have to explain herself.  She'd have to tell him why, after he'd poured his heart out to her, put everything on the line, gotten down on one knee and proposed to her, she'd gotten up and ran away.  She'd have to tell him why when she didn't really know herself._

_          Well, she knew.  She knew the basis of it all.  She'd always known.  She'd always felt this fear.  She'd tried to control it, to put it aside and ignore it.  She tried telling herself time and time again that she was crazy, that feeling this way was crazy.  But she still felt it.  Then she felt guilty.  Guilty because of her own doubts about their relationship.  And guilty because in the end, when you looked beyond the doubts and the fear, she was happy.  She loved him and knew, all too well, at what cost it had taken for her to be able to love him._

_          The rain that had been threatening to fall all night long finally began falling.  Abby cursed it silently as she looked up into the night sky.  She stopped walking then as she stared at the stars.  Their tinkling was beautiful, almost hypnotic.  That's when she felt him step up behind her.  So familiar was his presence that she knew immediately it was Luka._

_          "Abby?"  His voice was so soft, so caring.  A tear fell down her check and she knew more would come.  She was suddenly grateful for the rain as it poured down on her blending with her tears so that they could not be noticed.  Why did he have to be so nice?  Why couldn't he treat her badly just for once?  That was how she deserved to be treated._

_          Slowly she turned around and looked up at him.  He too was soaked yet that didn't seem to bother him.  She wondered if he even noticed the rain at all._

_          "I'm sorry Abby."  He was sorry?  More tears fell only to be overcome by the amount of raindrops.  "I didn't mean to push things.  I didn't mean to go faster then you are ready to go."_

_          Abby felt so miserable but could do nothing but stare up at him as her tears continued to mingle with the rain.  He had no idea.  No idea that the second he'd said those words, 'will you marry me?', her entire life had finally become whole.  The last piece to the puzzle had dropped into its place and she could see the picture for the first time.  The picture of her life.  It was a beautiful picture.  But, as she knew it would happen, the pieces suddenly fell apart again and the picture was gone._

_          "Look Abby, if you're not ready to get married then I understand that and we don't have to.  Not now, not ever if you don't want to."  But she did want to.   "I just want to be with you it doesn't have to be official according to the law."  He smiled down at her.  That croaked smile she loved so much.  That smile that always made everything in her world better again.  She wondered if it could work this time.  She doubted it._

_          "I do want to marry you Luka."  She suddenly found herself blurting the confession out loud.  The look of surprise on his face only tore at her heart.  He didn't deserve to think that the woman he loved didn't want to marry him._

_          "Then why...?"  His words trailed, the question obvious._

_          Abby looked down to the ground.  She knew she had to tell him.  She had to confess it all to him.  Her fear, her doubts, her guilty feelings.  The time had finally come, as she knew it would.  Now she just prayed he wouldn't hate her for it._

_          "Because I can't spent the rest of my life wondering if it's really her you want to be with."  Abby couldn't bring herself to say her name.  As if not saying it would make everything better.  "I can't spend my whole life wondering if when you make love to me it's really her you're seeing, her you're longing for."_

_          "Her?"  He asked gently stepping closer to Abby.  "You mean Danijela."  It was a statement not a question, nonetheless Abby found herself slowly nodding her head.  Confirming she was indeed talking about Danijela.  "That's what your afraid of.  That I'm still in love with her.  I do love her, she was my wife, and I will always love her but Abby..." His words trailed and Abby looked back up at him.  He was struggling to find the right way to say whatever he needed to say._

_          "What?"_

_          "It's not like this.  It was never like this with Danijela.  I love her but not the way I love you.  It was never this strong this meaningful.  It's like... Abby."  He leaned in closer to her and rested his forehead on hers.  "I feel like I've spent my whole life just waiting for that moment."_

_          "What moment?"  She questioned softly closing her eyes._

_          "That moment when I met you."  She reopened her eyes and looked back up at him.  The tears in her eyes were no longer of pain.  "If I didn't have you in my life then my life would never be whole and before I met you it never was whole.  Not even with Danijela and the kids and I know that wherever Danijela is she understands exactly what I am saying to you.  It's you I'm meant to be with it's always been you.  I know that with a very strong certainly."_

_          Luka leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips.  Abby had to pull away as she looked back to the ground.  A shiver ran through her.  Her body's first response to the cold rain pouring down on her._

_          "We should get inside somewhere, anywhere.  I'll get a taxi."  Luka moved to hail a taxi but Abby didn't budge.  His confession, though it had been all she had ever wanted to hear from him, had caused in her even more guilt._

_          "Abby?"  He stepped back over to her.  "Abby what is it?"_

_          "I'm not sorry."  She whispered knowing how confusing that must be to him but to her it made perfect sense._

_          "What?  What are you talking about?"  She looked at him, knowing he must be able to tell by now that she was crying._

_          "That they're dead.  I'm not sorry they're died.  Every time I think about them I'm not glad that they're dead but I'm certainly not sorry they're gone.  And every time you talk about them and I hear the remorse in your voice, the pain, the wish that they were still here, I just feel that what you're really wishing is that you weren't with me.  Because if they were still alive you'd still be with them.  I never would have even meant you."_

_          "Yes you would have."  She heard him say as he wrapped her in his arms, the last response she'd expected.  She'd expected that by this point he'd be angry with her.  Mad that she was glad his family was dead.  That she was glad he couldn't be with them anymore.  "Abby I know that even if my family, in whole or part, had survived that bomb you and I would still have met and somehow we would still have fallen in love.  Because Abby," He looked at her and made sure she was looking at him too.  "This was written in the stars.  You and I were figured out long before our own lives began."_

_          Written in the stars.  Abby couldn't believe anybody would say anything so sweet about a relationship she was a part of._

_          "Abby," Luka continued.  "Don't feel guilty about the way you feel because trust me I understand all to well."  Abby knew exactly what he was saying.  She was only surprised at how easily he admitted to it.  Looking into his eyes she knew there was only one thing that should come next._

_          "Yes."  She whispered and smiled softly.  Her first smile since she'd ran from him earlier that night._

_          "Yes?"  She laughed slightly.  Understanding came into his eyes and she knew he knew what she was saying.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box.  He opened it and took out the ring that was inside.  Placing it gently onto her finger he looked her deeply in the eyes._

_          "And for the first time in my life I am completely whole."_

_-  -  -  -_

          Abby looked at Danijela knowing she couldn't abandon a life she'd barley had a chance to live yet.  Knowing she couldn't abandon Luka.  Danijela smiled at her.  A genuinely happy smile.

          "How do I get back?"  Abby asked of the woman in front of her.  Danijela nodded to the side of the island and Abby looked over.  There beside her was a strip of land leading out to a larger land structure.  Leading to life.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_11:40 am_

Luka pulled his chair closer to the bed and leaned in towards Abby.  Needing to be closer to her.  Carter had left about an hour ago after taking his blood.  He'd gone to turn in into the lab and then no doubt he'd headed back to work.  Kerry, Luka was certain, wasn't about to let her ER lose staff just because a crisis had occurred to someone close to them all.  Luka was actually happy of that.  He was glad they were all going on with life.  While some people might be angry that life continues despite such cruel incidence, Luka had never been one of those people.

          Even after his family had died he'd been happy to see that life could go on.  That people could continue their lives despite his misfortune.  He knew they continued because in all, this person did not matter to them.  She mattered to him.  Nonetheless it was a sign of sorts.  A sign that life could and would continue no matter what occurred.  That meant that somewhere along the way he'd have to continue with it.  And he'd be okay too.  However this time, Luka knew he'd only truly be okay if Abby woke up.

          A thought had occurred to him a few hours ago.  While wondering why Abby wouldn't wake up.  While wondering why her heart had stopped.  Mostly though he'd been thinking about something Kerry had said to him.  That Abby might be in some sort of mental coma.  A kind of self-induced coma, he guessed you could call it.  He'd been thinking that perhaps, somehow, she'd caused her own heart to stop.

          "Is it true Abby?"  He whispered to her softly, glad that she had a privet room.  After all, this was a privet conversation.  "Do you want to stay where you are?"  He smiled sadly caressing her hair softly.  "Are you happy where you are?  Are you only hanging on because of me?  Because if that's true then I want you to go on to whatever waits for you.  I know whatever it is is beautiful and so wonderful and all that you deserve.  Don't get me wrong.  I don't want to lose you.  I would give my own life just to be with you again.  In fact," He laughed dryly to himself.  "I'd considered doing just that.  I still might.  I don't know.  If you don't wake up I don't think I can continue.  If I lose you I have nothing left to continue for.  I want you to be happy though.  I want you to wake up but if you're happy where you are then stay Abby.  Be happy.  I promise I will see you again, someday, somehow.  Because it was written in the stars."

          With that Luka laid his head gently on her chest as tears began to fall down his face.  Inside he was praying she hadn't heard him.  That she wouldn't listen to him.  That she'd come back no matter what he'd just said to her.  He needed her.  At the same time he hoped she stayed wherever she was.  Because he knew it was better then being here.  It was better then facing this life, this existence.  It was better then her having to wake up and live with the nightmare of what has been done to her.  But again, he needed her.

          "Luka."  His head shot up immediately upon hearing her whispered voice.

          "Abby?"  Her eyes remained closed.  Had it just been his imagination?  Wishful hoping?  Or had she really just spoken.  He looked over quickly to the machine that would confirm whether or not his ears were correct.  To his delight it indicated she had just said something.  She was conscious.  "Abby."  Luka's heart was finally lifting from the void it had been resting in since he'd seen her reeled out of that ambulance on that gurney.

          Slowly her eyes opened.  Then closed as if to block out the sudden light.  Luka quickly reached over to the side of the hospital bed and dimmed the lights in the room.  Her eyes opened again only they seemed somewhat unfocussed.  Not really surprising.

          "Abby," Luka stood up over the bed to get a better look into her eyes.  He was being a doctor he knew but he couldn't help it, he had to know if she was okay.  He wouldn't have imagined though that when his wife finally did awaken from her coma he'd be acting her doctor more then her husband.  It was too dark now with the lights dimmed to get a good look at her eyes.  He reached for his penlight then remembered he didn't have it.  "Abby how do you feel?"

          "You were right."  She whispered softly.  He leaned in closer to hear her better.

          "Right about what Abby?"  He gently caressed her hair with one hand as the other went for her hand.

          "Danijela, she was beautiful."  Luka only looked at her confused as she closed her eyes once again.

          "Abby, Abby stay awake."  It was too late.  She was, once again, unconscious.  Luka looked up at one of the monitors in the room and smiled as he looked back down at his wife's beautiful face.  She was unconscious but this time she was simply sleeping, naturally.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**THE END** of Chapter 5

**Acknowledgments:** Thanks! to Kelly for sharing your ideas with me.  Without which I would not have my wonderful "abortion" flashback! :)

**Author's Note: **Okay, I finished this like forever ago but since fanfic.net was again not working I've been waiting for it to get back on its feet a little more.  I decided it appeared pulled together enough to finally post.  Anyhow, I hoped you enjoyed the chapter!

**Disclaimer:** The above was a story of fiction based on characters created and owned by Michael Crichton, NBC and Warner Bros.


	6. Painful Awakening

-     -     -

**Chapter Six******

**Painful Awakening**

-     -     -

_M__ay 06 2004_

_12:23 PM_

LUKA WATCHED Abby carefully as the detectives continued to question her.  He wanted them to leave.  He wanted to be alone with his wife.  He hadn't been allowed that privilege since she'd woken up.  Between the doctor examining her and asking her questions and then the arrival of the detectives a few minutes earlier, he hadn't been able to talk with her at all.  He wanted so much to talk with her.

          "Did you recognize your attacker Mrs. Kovac?"  Hays asked and Luka stood up straighter in his chair.  Finally they were getting to the questions that mattered most.  He almost feared her answer though.  What if it had been someone she'd known?  Someone they both knew?  Could this then have been prevented?  Could he have protected her from the assailant that had hurt her?  He shook the thoughts out of his head and continued to watch her even closer.  Trying to judge her reaction to the question.

          Abby looked over to him and their eyes locked.  A shiver ran through him.  He already knew her answer.  She'd known her attacker.

          "Mrs. Kovac?"  The detective questioned her delayed response.  Luka wanted them to leave so badly.  He could see the numbness in her eyes, the pain.  He wanted to hold her.  He knew he couldn't.

          "He was with a patient."  She spoke softly to Luka but not the detectives.  "It was about a month ago.  A woman came in.  I don't know what her injures were I wasn't her nurse but you were her doctor and he was with her."  Abby's eyes averted to the floor as she continued.  "Later that day we were talking about something in the hallway and he came up and attacked you."

          Luka closed his eyes immediately upon hearing her last statement.  Tears threatened to overcome him.  He pushed them back.  He had to be strong for Abby.  Yet the pain that came with this newfound knowledge was so intense.

          "Did you know him Dr. Kovac?"  He heard Thompson ask from beside him.  Luka opened his eyes and looked over at Abby.  Their eyes locked once again.  Luka slowly nodded his head.

          "I knew him."

- - - -

          _"Actually he asked me out on a date tonight."  Abby smiled up at Luka, her eyes twinkling with mischief.  Luka smiled back as he stepped closer to her quickly examining the hall to see if anybody important was around.  Nobody was._

_          "Yeah?"  She nodded and he placed his hands on her hips pulling her closer to him.  "And was this before or after you told him you were married?"_

_          "Oh, I forgot to mention that altogether."  Luka laughed and leaned his head in closer to Abby's._

_          "So are you going?"  He questioned, trying to pretend he was serious but failing miserably as a smile spread across his face._

_          "On the date?"  He nodded.  "Oh course, I couldn't turn a guy like that down.  He was hot.  Besides maybe I'll get lucky tonight, you thing?"_

_          "If you do you should make it good for the guy because it's going to be the last time he ever has sex."  Abby started laughing and Luka quickly followed._

_          "Okay," She stated taking a step back from him.  "On second thought maybe I'll just stay home with you tonight."_

_          Luka nodded.  "Good idea."_

_          Abby was about to turn around and head back to work when a man suddenly appeared out of the corner of her eye.  Somehow she knew, before he'd even attacked, that this man was going to be trouble.  Next thing Abby saw was the man charging at Luka and punching him hard, sending her husband flying to the floor._

_          "Luka!"  Abby called out as she quickly ran to his side.  She kneeled down beside him just as he was setting up.  His hand was fastened over his mouth and she could see blood dropping to his shirt.  "Are you okay?"  He didn't have a chance to answer._

_          "You bastard!  You stole her from me!  You took her!  Where'd you take her!  Where is she?"  Behind the man's shouts Abby could faintly hear people calling for security.  Suddenly the attacker began advancing towards them and she felt Luka grab her by the arm and lift her up to her feet with him.  He quickly pushed her behind him._

_          "Mr. Kenneth your wife left this hospital an hour ago of her own free will.  I didn't do anything to her or take her anywhere."  Abby saw as Mr. Kenneth made another attempt to hit Luka only this time he was quickly stopped and apprehended by a couple of security guards.  As the man was dragged away, yelling at Luka the whole time, she swiftly stepped back in front of him._

_          "You okay?"  She asked as she tried to examine his wound.  However he was still covering it trying to prevent the blood from spilling._

_          "I'm okay."  He answered as she continued looking up at him worriedly._

_          "What was that all about?"_

- - - -

          "His wife was a patient of mine.  She came in with some broken ribs, some other bruises, and stuff like that.  It didn't take long to realize her husband had been beating on her.  I guess it was the last straw for her.  I didn't even get the chance to give my usual "you should leave him" speech before she opened up to me about it.  She asked me to get rid of him for a while so that she could get out of there.  I told him I had to take her up for some more ex rays and, while he was in chairs, she left the hospital.  He blamed me for it though.  He attacked me and after security was done with him and he'd been released he told me on the way out that I'd regret the day I took his wife away from him."  Luka's voice was weak by the time he was done explaining things to the detectives.  He couldn't believe how ignorant he had been.  He had simply believed that either the man would get over it or his wife would eventually return to him.  He'd never bothered to take a serious look at the situation.  He'd never considered that he was in any danger.  He definitely had never considered Abby to be in any danger.

          "What was the man's name?"  Hays questioned and Luka looked up at him blankly.  Not only had he done nothing when a man had threatened to exact revenge on him but he couldn't even remember the man's name.  First or last.

          "I don't know."  He whispered softly looking down at his hands.  He felt ashamed that he didn't have this information.  That he couldn't tell the police who had raped his wife despite the fact he was the only one who really knew.  Mostly he felt ashamed that he'd let it happen at all.  That he hadn't done something to protect Abby when a patient had made a threat that indicated quite clearly she could be in danger.  He made a vow never to let that happed again.

          "Patient records, wouldn't they have his name?"  Luka looked up.  Of course.

          "They might.  They'll definitely have the wife's name."  Luka was already standing up from his chair as he spoke.  "I'll go downstairs and look up the case."

          "Luka."  Luka looked over to Abby and his heart dropped.  She looked scared and it took him only a second to realize why.  He chastised himself.  She didn't want to be alone in a room with two strange men and it was no surprise either.  He smiled at her softly but didn't get a chance to speak before detective Thompson corrected the situation himself.

          "We've really got all the information we need from you right now Mrs. Kovac.  Why don't you get some rest and we'll keep you both updated on the case."  With that Thompson turned towards Luka and handed him a business card he'd pulled from his breast pocket.  "Call me on my cell phone as soon as you get that name."

          Luka nodded his head in agreement.  "I will."  With that the detectives were gone and Luka and Abby were finally alone.

          "Are you okay?"  He asked softly as he stepped closer to Abby's hospital bed.  Once realizing what he'd just asked he shook his head and attempted another smile towards her.  "Sorry.  Stupid question."

          Abby only smiled back but then looked down at her hands folded comfortably on her stomach.  Luka's eyes too lingered on her hands as he remembered a conversation they had to have.  He didn't want to have it.  He didn't want to have to tell her that their baby was dead.  Did she know?  Did she even know she had been pregnant?

          "I'm gonna go find out this name."  Luka stated taking a step back.  He knew he was being a jerk, that he shouldn't leave her alone right now but he also knew he wasn't ready to face the ensuing conversation.  He reached the door and looked back at her.  She was looking at him, pain in her eyes.

          "It's gone isn't it?"  She whispered and Luka felt an intense pain rush over him as it was finally confirmed that, yes, she had known about the baby.

          He quickly walked back over to her and sat down on the chair that was so closely pulled up to her bed.  He wasn't sure what to say to her.  How to say it.  How do you explain to someone that you'd made the decision to have a life taken out of them?  A life that you had both created.

          "Yes it is Abby."  He whispered the answer honestly and straightforward, knowing that is how this needed to be dealt with.  "I'm so sorry."

          "I knew it would die?"  She spoke as tears slipped down her cheeks.  He wanted to wipe them away but he was afraid to touch her.  He didn't want to hurt her or to upset her.  He knew she'd tense up the second he laid a hand on her.  He'd had enough experience with these situations to know that.  "When he stabbed me I knew he'd just killed our baby."

          Luka felt guilty.  Guilty because, while this guy's actions had led to the baby having had to be taken from her, it hadn't actually killed it.  In his heart Luka felt as though he had killed their child.  He'd signed the piece of paper saying it was okay to remove the fetus.  To stop its heart from beating.  That piece of paper would forever haunt his dreams.

          "That hadn't actually killed the baby Abby."  Luka confessed.  She had a right to know and he'd rather be the one to tell her.  Lest she found out on her own.

          "What?"  She asked, her voice choked with tears.

          "In the effort to save you they decided," Luka paused and closed his eyes briefly before continuing.  He'd tell her the whole truth exactly as it was.  "We decided that it would be safer and better for you if the baby were aborted before you went into surgery.  The chances of both or even you surviving would have been quite minimal if that hadn't been done."  He looked at her and waited for a reaction.  It didn't take long for Abby to realize what he'd just told her.

          "You mean you let them kill our baby?"  She sounded angry, astonished, and sad all at the same time.  Luka had to, once more, contain his own tears.

          "Abby my choice, as I saw it, was to lose you or let them do whatever it took to keep you alive.  Yes, I let them perform an abortion but I had no choice.  I wasn't about to lose you."

          "But you could so easily lose your child?"  He knew she didn't really know what she was saying.  That this was all coming too quickly and all at once for her.  That she only needed time to process what had happened and to realize why it had happened.  Why he'd made the decision he had made.

          "Abby," He whispered leaning in a little closer to her.  "It was no easy decision.  I had very little time to make it and I had to do what was best for you.  I had to do what would save you.  We can have more children but you can't be replaced."

          "But our baby can be replaced?"  Her accusation shocked him.  It even almost angered him.  But he knew she was simply hurt.  He even felt that someday, she'd no longer blame him for this.

          "That's not what I meant.  God, I know this baby can't be replaced.  I'll never forget about this child that we never got the chance to know.  And I'll never try and replace it."  He had to fight harder now to hold back his tears.  Didn't she realize that he too had lost a child?  That he hadn't wanted that to happen?  He'd had no choice though.  In the end, even he had to admit, she was more important but by no means was this child not important.

          "Please just leave."  She whispered as she turned around in the bed and curled herself into a ball.  His heart felt like it was going to shatter all over again.

          "Abby."  He protested as he stood up to walk over to the other side of the bed.

          "Please, just let me be alone for a while."  Luka's decision was quickly made and he turned around to head towards the door.  Hesitating a little he looked back down at Abby's small form.

          "Abby I loved our baby the second I found out about it and it broke my heart the second I realized you'd never bring it into this world.  Please don't think that I made the decision to end its life lightly.  Because it was the hardest decision I've ever had to make."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_1:02 PM_

          Luka stared at the computer hopelessly.  He'd been down here for twenty minutes now and still wasn't coming up with anything.  He hated these computers.  They never worked when you needed them to and right about now he'd much prefer to be in an old records room digging through file cabinet after file cabinet of patient records.  It sure had to beat the whispered speculations and curious glances he kept getting form the staff wondering why he was down there at all.

          "Luka, what are you doing here?"  Finally, somebody with enough dignity to actually ask the question to his face instead of whisper it behind his back.  Luka looked over and found Carter standing next to him looking on with curiosity.  Should've known.  "I heard Abby woke up." He added a little softer as to keep others from overhearing, a useless gesture Luka knew as they heard everything.

          "She did.  She's... resting.  And I'm looking for something on a patient."  Carter looked at him skeptically and Luka explained a little more.  "It's about Abby's attacker."

          "You mean he was a patient here?" Carter asked a little louder then he should have.

          "Not exactly.  His wife was a patient of mine."

          Carter nodded, "Well, how can I help?"

          "Tell me who he is."  Luka sighed exhaustedly as another page of unimportant information popped up on the screen.  "This thing sucks."

          Carter smiled, "Here let me try."  Luka stepped out of the way.  "So when was she admitted?"

          "She wasn't admitted, I treated her last month for a number of wounds and she was only here for a few hours."  Carter nodded and typed in some information on the computer.

          "What kind of wounds?"

          "A few broken ribs." Luka informed and Carter typed some more words in and then suddenly a patient file popped up onto the screen.

          "Amy Kenneth, 5368 Walk Dr, Apartment number 45A."

          "That's her." Luka exclaimed as Carter hit the print button and the printer behind them suddenly came to life and started spilling out useful information.  Both doctors turned around to watch as page after page of Amy Kenneth's file was printed out.

          Carter looked over to Luka.  "How's she doing?" he asked softly, again trying to avoid prying ears.

          Luka shook his head, deciding there was no reason to be dishonest with Carter.  After all he did care about Abby too.  "Not so good.  I just told her about the baby and she didn't take it too great.  Needless to say."

          "How are you doing?" he asked and Luka was once again taken off guard by the question.  The one question he hated most.  Carter apparently recognized his feelings.  "She's your wife Luka.  She was just hurt in a very cruel way.  And it was your baby too.  I can't even imagine what you're going through."  Luka just looked at Carter trying to come up with something to say.  Some response.  Truth was he was dying inside.  His wife had been raped.  Their baby was dead.  Everything that mattered in his world was falling apart.

          "I should get back to Abby." But he had to be strong for her.  He couldn't complain about his own feelings and emotions right now.  He had to be there for Abby.

          "Well if you need to talk."

          "Thanks." Luka said but acknowledged Carter no farther as he began walking back towards the stairs, Amy Kenneth's file in hand.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_1:15 PM_

          Luka watched from outside the room as his wife lay in bed talking with doctor Redmond.  He'd met her earlier when he'd arrived at the hospital after having gone home to rest and then again after Abby had awoken from the coma.  She seemed like an okay doctor to him, if not a little young.  She almost looked like she'd just graduated medical school.  Maybe she had, he didn't know.  Abby seemed to be doing okay with her though.  In fact she even looked better now.  She was setting up slightly in bed, not much because he knew her recovery from the surgery wouldn't warrant it, but enough so that she looked a little more alive.  A little more like herself.

          Suddenly Abby looked over at him and their eyes locked.  She smiled at him and his heart melted.  She definitely seemed to be feeling better.  He smiled too as she looked back to the doctor to continue their conversation.  Everything seemed so normal.  She looked fine aside from the fact that she was in a hospital bed.  She was smiling at him again, that smile he loved so much.  He knew though that it was all a false image.  That inside she was dying even more then he was.  She was the one who had just been violated and who no longer carried the baby she'd had growing inside her for eight weeks.  This was going to be the hardest thing she'd ever have to go through.  Harder then her mother, harder then her father and harder then her divorce with Richard.  But this time there was another difference too, this time she wouldn't have to go through it alone.

          Luka watched the doctor head towards the door he was standing by.  As she stepped out of the room she gave him a polite smile.

          "How's she doing?" he asked uncertainly.

          "Oh she's fine.  She appears to be healing quite well as far as her injuries go.  As for mentally," the doctor shook her head slightly and looked over to Abby. "I'm not a psychologist but I'm a little worried about her.  She acts like everything's fine.  Almost like she's already accepted and gotten through it all."

          "That doesn't surprise me." Luka interrupted.

          "Oh?"

          "That's just Abby.  She never lets people in.  She thinks she can deal with everything on her own."

          "Well, she let you in didn't she?  I mean she's married to you."  Luka only nodded his head thinking of Richard.  She'd married him too but she never let him in.  "Just be there for her cause the time will come that she'll eventually fall apart and she's going to need someone there for her whether she likes it or not."

          "I don't plan on being anywhere else." Luka spoke softly watching Abby as she played with the sheet that was laying over her.

          "Once she's released I'll give you a list of good psychologists you can try and get her in to see.  Hopefully she'll go because it's defiantly a must in a case like this."  Luka only nodded his head not letting his eyes leave Abby.  "How bout you?" doctor Redmond asked and this time he looked over to her questioningly.

          "What?"

          "Sometimes it's good for the husband of a rape victim to also seek professional help.  Perhaps that's especially true for you.  You both just lost a baby as well.  Maybe you should think about going to see someone too."

          Luka was already shaking his head, "I don't need to see a shrink.  I wasn't the one that was attacked."

          "It doesn't matter.  You're going through this all the same.  Think about it.  If anything maybe a psychologist can help you figure out how to help her through things a little easier.  It'll make it easier on both of you."  When Luka didn't say anything more the doctor finally sighed and took a step back.  "Well, I'm off to lunch now, if you need anything just ask a nurse."

          "Okay."  With that the doctor was gone and Luka stepped into the room.

          "Hi." Abby greeted softly looking up from the blanket she was still toying with.  Luka smiled and stepped quickly over to the bed.

          "Hi yourself.  You look like you're feeling better."

          Abby nodded and diverted her eyes back to the blanket as she continued to fidget with it. "I'm sorry.  I am really sorry."

          "Abby, sweetie you have nothing to be sorry about."  In fact his mind was running laps trying to figure out what she was apologizing for.  He certainly hoped it wasn't because of the attack.  He knew some women blamed themselves after being raped but with Abby being a nurse and seeing cases like this all the time he'd certainly hope she'd know better.  It broke his heart just thinking that she might blame herself for such a vicious crime that she'd had no control over.

          Luka's mind landed on the conversation they'd had after the detectives left.  He knew what she was sorry for.

          "Yes I do.  I blamed you for the... for losing... for the... baby.  It wasn't your fault and I don't really blame you.  You did what I would have-"

          "Abby," Luka cut her off as he sat down on the chair and leaned in closer to her.  But not too close.  "Don't apologize just, just don't.  You've been through so much and that... I know the pain Abby and I know what you are going through as far as the baby is concerned but you have everything else too and I can't even imagine.  I'm not angry with you for getting mad at me.  I know you didn't mean it.  I know you don't blame me."

          Abby looked over at him, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.  "Would you have really wanted it?" she asked softly.  

          Luka smiled and reached out to wipe away a lone tear that had made its way down the side of her face.  She flinched slightly and he pulled away immediately.  He knew this was going to be the hardest part of it all.  She was going to be afraid of him.  Inadvertent as it would be she'd still fear him, perhaps without knowing why herself.

          "Of course I would have Abby." he whispered softly, answering her question.

          "I wasn't really sure.  I mean we'd never really talked about having children and I wasn't sure you'd really want anymore.  I thought maybe it would just be too painful for you.  I didn't want to hurt you."  Hurt him?  She thought that her being pregnant with their first child together would hurt him?  Just the thought made him feel a little nauseous.  It made him regret so many things.  Regret that he'd never told her before how much he would love to have a baby with her.  Regret that she didn't know him as well as she should and that it was yet more lack in communication between them that made it that way.

          "I think it would be a little painful but that doesn't mean I wouldn't want to have children with you.  I hope someday we do have kids but the decision to have them is ultimately up to you.  I'm not afraid of trying to start over again.  I proved that when I married you.  I'd love to have more children, at least one.  You're afraid and I understand that fear.  My answer's yes, I want us to have a baby someday.  Now it's up to you to decide where you stand."  He hated having this talk here, under these circumstances, because God knows they have no chance at being together to conceive a child for who knows how long.

          "I wanted it.  The second I realized I was pregnant I was actually happy about it." she spoke more to the blanket then to Luka but his face lit up in a bright smile anyhow.  A smile that vanished once he was reminded that their baby was gone.

          Abby leaned her head back against the pillow and closed her eyes.  A few more tears made their way down her cheeks but she was managing to keep most of them in check.  It was clear to Luka she'd prefer not having this conversation anymore.  At least not right now.

          "Did you find his name?" Abby asked turning her head towards Luka and reopening her eyes.

          "I found the patients file.  Amy Kenneth.  I already called the detectives and gave them the information."

          "But his name wasn't in it?"

          Luka shook his head and decided to change the subject.  "Do you remember when you first woke up Abby?  You remember what you said to me?"

          Abby seemed to think about this for a moment before finally replying.  "I just remember the doctor shinning that annoying pen light in my eyes."

          Luka shook his head. "No, that wasn't the first time you woke up.  It was before that you said something... something about Danijela."

          Abby looked at him blankly.  "I don't remember that.  What did I say about her?"

          "That I was right, that she was beautiful."

          Abby half laughed. "I said that?  I don't remember that nor do I have any idea why I would have said it."

          "No idea?" Luka questioned simply relived that for the moment Abby's mind seemed to be on something else other then her attack and their baby.

          "I'm sorry Luka I don't.  I'm sorry if I upset you I really don't know why I'd say that."

          "Hey," Luka began reassuringly.  "Don't worry about it.  It didn't upset me.  It's just... curious, that's all."

          "It really is." Abby said, a smile playing at her lips.  "Maybe I had a conversation with her in some sort of parallel world or something."

          Luka smiled.  "Maybe."

          Abby's own smile vanished as she suddenly looked at him more seriously, but without the despair her eyes had held earlier.

          "I love you Luka." she stated truthfully and without any apparent reason other then to simply hear the words spoken.

          Luka's heart was quickly lifting higher from it's void.  They were words he'd feared he'd never hear again.

          "I love you too Abby."

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**The End** of Chapter 6

**Note: **Okay, this is definitely my least favorite chapter.  I hope I didn't bore you all too much, but the chapter was necessary.  The next one will hopefully be more exciting and you will get some of Abby's POV out of it.  At least that's how I have it planned though I haven't actually started it yet. :(  If you have any suggestions you'd like to make or something you'd like to see happen then please email me (Abilene_Keegan@Hotmail.com) as I am definitely going to need some ideas to fill the next three or four chapters with.  Okay, must go start writing the next chap. now...  Thanks! for reading!

**Note to Erica**: Trust me, I know! :-)

**Disclaimer: **The above was a story of fiction based on characters created and owned by Michael Crichton, NBC and Warner Bros.


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